


When Dreaming Is Better Than Reality

by qiaolianmay



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 19:12:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8339371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qiaolianmay/pseuds/qiaolianmay
Summary: This path reminded her of broken dreams and promises. The green grass reminded her of a life that she would never have. One of her gloved hand slowly reached for her chest. There it was, the promise that was given to her three years ago. A promise that would never come true.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Agents of SHIELD is not mine.  
> Mistakes are mine tho
> 
> Enjoy!

_They were quietly walking by the beach in a shore in Rodeo beach near Sausalito when he abruptly stopped and held her hand._

_“You know... I counted the number of times you smiled and shake your head at me back when we were younger. I thought that it was rare and that you only reserved them for me. Looking back now, I know I was right to assume that way. There would have never be an ‘us’ if I didn’t. You are my best friend. The most important person in my life and you are the only one I want to spend my life with, Melinda.” He started._

_“Phil..”_

_“Will you spend your life with me for eternity?” He asked as he held her the red box containing a three stone emerald cut diamond in 18K white gold engagement ring. He knew that he was gambling when he bought the ring. He didn’t know if she wanted to get married for they had never talk about it in the past. But for him, she’s **it**_ _all along and looking at her now with her glassy eyes, mouth slightly open in awe. He already knew that gambling was the right thing._

_But she haven’t answered yet. He stared at her with his blue eyes shining with hope._

_She nodded. She nodded and threw herself to him._

_“Is that a yes?” Phil asked softly as he brush Melinda’s hair with his other hand. He felt her nod on his shoulder. He pulled away and looked at her. Her hair was a mess with the wind and her abrupt movement but she’s still the most beautiful person he laid his eyes on. Phil wiped the tears that were running down on her face and gave her a sweet smile. One that was genuinely reserved for her._

_“Hey. I have to make it official right?” He said smiling again and Melinda chuckled. He had always loved hearing her laugh and giggle. It made him the luckiest person in the world to hear her sweet melodic laugh._

_“Melinda Qiaolian May, will you marry me?” He asked again butchering her middle name._

_“You can never get that right, can you?” She said shaking her head as he tilted his head and gave her that boyish smile he always wear. “And yes. Yes I will marry you.” She said._

_Phil slipped the ring on her finger. “Melinda Qiaolian May-Coulson. It sounds right, don’t you think”_

_“Just perfect.” Melinda replied as she reached for his lapel and pulled him in for a kiss. It tasted like salt, happiness, love and eternity._

* * *

Three years.

36 months.

156 weeks.

It’s been that long since she set her feet in the pavements of New York. Nothing much had change in the past years except that it seemed like the number of people doubled since she was gone. Walking to the chilly streets of New York felt almost like home.

She hailed cab and told the driver the direction to an apartment in Queens.

The cab pulled to a stop and Melinda saw a familiar building that she knew all too well. After all, she had lived in this place for God knows how long. She just hadn't been here in over three years; it felt surreal to be back.

She opened her apartment and she was engulfed by a cold sensation coming from the inside of her apartment. It was quiet but not peaceful. It lacks of life.

She didn’t notify anyone when she left. She changed all her numbers so no one would bother her when she was away in her solitude. So, she wasn’t surprised to see how still her apartment was when normally Natasha and Maria would be in her little place of peace. The stillness also reminded her when things were—She shook her head, it wasn’t the time to mull over things that were in the past.

But it seemed like the universe was playing with her, she walked towards her living room cabinet, and old picture frames were sitting on top of them which she inspected one by one. A familiar photo caught her attention.

She was happy.

Her eyes were wrinkled and her mouth was open. She was laughing. She remembered this day clearly, like it happened yesterday and a litany of memories assaulted her.

She was with Phil when it happened. She must be because even back then she rarely show a hint of a smile except when she’s spending her time with him. She knew what happiness is when she’s with him.

Melinda settled the picture on top of the cabinet and walked towards the direction for her room.

Just like everything else, nothing had change. It was just a little dusty and she thought her mom occasionally visited her apartment and asked the housekeepers to maintain it. Hoping that maybe one day she’d come home.

Her poor mother.

She must be worried sick. She had to be. Her only daughter was gone after two weeks of harrowing silence from her. She might not see it but she knew how worried her mother was especially after it happened.

She slowly reached her bed and settled her bag on the floor. She sat at the fresh linen that were draped on her bed. It was as if things were still the same.

_It will never be._

* * *

Melinda fell asleep. She must’ve been really exhausted that she didn’t notice the time. It was five in the afternoon and she still have places to be. Getting her coat, Melinda walked.

Mrs. Roberts seemed to be surprised upon seeing her in her little flower shop. The woman gave her a genuine smile after she recovered and had ask her what she wanted.

“A bouquet of white tiger lilies. Please?” she said and the woman smiled again and nodded.

“Should I arrange and wrap it, my dear?”  She answered ‘no’ but she asked for it to be tied with white ribbon accented with red and blue hues.

She paid for the flowers and left before the old woman could even commented. She was sweet but she didn’t need a comment. Not ever.

Melinda took a cab again to her next destination. Just as she stepped out of the cab the rain started pouring. It was like the sky was also crying for her. She pulled her coat tighter upon protecting the flowers in her hand. She now regretted not saying yes to the wrapping that was suggested earlier.

She took a deep breath and started to walk. This path reminded her of broken dreams and promises. The green grass reminded her of a life that she would never have. One of her gloved hand slowly reached for her chest. There it was, the promise that was given to her three years ago. A promise that would never come true.

She stopped. It had been three years and she could still feel her soul being ripped apart. Seeing his tombstone again made more difficult than what she anticipated. She thought she would be able to see it without crying but she was wrong. Seeing his name carved into that stone felt like each letter were being carved to her body.

Melinda’s knees weakened at the assault of emotions swirling her body. She knelt and put her hand to his tombstone. She giggled. “even dead, you’re still supporting me.” She said. “you were stronger than I am.”

“I-I am sorry.” She said as she held onto the stone tightly. “I thought… I thought I can finally do it. Face this and… I miss you so much, Phil.” Tears continue flowing from her eyes but she didn’t mind not when there more important things in front of her.

“I got you these.” She said laying the bouquet that she bought earlier. “It’s a little messed up but still… remember when you gave me a piece of this flower, daring me to love you? You dared me of all people when you knew I was already in loved with you. You are an idiot and I miss you every day. Things changed. The apartment no longer feels like home not when you're not there with me.” She muttered silently. She stayed there for a bit, sitting in front of his grave telling him how she traveled the world to see the places they’ve been to. The places that they shared memories with. Places that had been witnesses for their love story and their heartaches.

“I went to Rodeo beach last. I never thought…” She took a deep breath. “I never thought that the place that made me the happiest will also be the place that ripped my soul apart. You made me the happiest person in the world when you asked me to marry you. I’ve wanted a life spent with you for eternity. And then you have to die the next day. How could you do that to me? I thought we were best friends? Why didn’t you tell me that you’ve been having troubles with that heart of yours?” she questioned silently.

“He would but you were so happy and he didn’t want to ruin it.” A voice startled her. It was Maria.

She turned around to see Maria and Natasha holding white roses in each of their hands. They sat as well despite of the wet grass from the rain earlier. Melinda didn’t even noticed that it stopped. Natasha was sitting on her right.

“You just disappeared. You’ve got us worried and we couldn’t find you. Auntie Lian said, you just left with no trace or anything. We were worried that something might’ve happened to you… that—“

"I am dead.” She said quietly and from her peripheral she saw Natasha nod.

“Where were you all this time?” Maria asked quietly.

“I was everywhere... but I was with him emotionally. Still am.”


End file.
